Learning to Trust God

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Foreword
I am a Christian beginning to realize that God is my loving Father in heaven as proven by the death of Jesus the Christ, His only Beloved Son.
In the unfolding pages, all negative connotations have been made in reference to me. I do not speak for or of others.
This is a result of personal experiences and observations. This is by no means a sermon of any sort nor does it serve to generalize the Christian experience.  I am no Bible teacher or pastor. I am the beloved child of God getting to know (as a privilege) Him as a loving Father.
If you have been blessed by this e-book, let all the glory and praise redound to my loving Father in heaven in Jesus’ Name. If you find anything amiss, let God judge my heart.
 
Synopsis
Every time the evil one returns with that same stinking lie about God, I say, “NO-ah!” Noah means rest. Then I turn to the Cross and I shout, “YES-hua!” Yeshua is my Lord Jesus. He is the personification of the unearned, unmerited and undeserved love of God for me. Not knowing how much God loves me results in disobedience. And disobedience opens the door to sin.  Sin is rejecting God’s love.
The fulfillment of Bible prophesies points to the integrity of God. In other words, they serve to convince me that God can be trusted.
I believe God has allowed scientific discoveries to be made to confirm Biblical accounts. Not that God needs the testimony of man to confirm His integrity.  It is for my benefit that He has done so.  It is to satisfy my fallen mind and allow it to be convinced of His integrity.  This is so that I can learn to trust Him.
Psalm 138:2 tells me that God magnified His Word above all His name!  This is how much God honours His Word! His integrity!
God is not like human beings to lie! God cannot lie!
God has chosen the nation of Israel to tell the world that He is real! Israel is real! God is real!
God sent His only Beloved Son to die on the Cross as Jesus the Man to prove to me that He loved me.
If I believe that Israel is real, I can believe Jesus is real. If I can believe Jesus is real, I can believe God loved me!

Can God be Trusted?
How can I know for sure that this God of the Christians can be trusted? To begin with, is he even real?  And who is this guy Jesus? My Christian friends told me he is the son of their God; another fictional fallacy? Lagi (meaning more in the Malay language) confusing!
A joker friend of mine came telling me this:
Every time the evil one returns with that same stinking lie about God, we say, “NO-ah!” Noah means rest. Then we turn to the Cross and we shout, “YES-hua!” Yeshua is our Lord Jesus. He is the personification of the unearned, unmerited and undeserved love of God for us.
What in the world is he talking about?!? I really Lia'h Boh Kiew (Literally means catch no ball. Refers to completely not understand)!
When can they ever speak in layman terms which I can understand?!?
 
The Christian Anomalies
When I look at my Christian friends, I find them both weird and strange.  Some of them are even darn hao lian (meaning proud in Hokkien, a Chinese dialect). I heard an incident of two Christians coming to blows right after Church because of some parking disputes.  Can anyone blame me for being skeptical?
And those others that I know say one thing but do another. Tak boleh tahan [colloquial Malay loosely translated as "I can't take it anymore"]! They talk the walk but don’t seem to walk the talk.
Yet when I look at their lives, some are doing pretty well while those who are not appear happy.  Are they really happy or macam (Means to resemble something) happy only?!? Don’t wayang (Malay for pretend) lah! How can anyone be happy without money? Money is king you know?  If their God is not giving them lots of money, why do they still trust him?  Have they been brainwashed or something? Interesting.
Then some biao kia (meaning idiot in Hokkien) told me God help those who help themselves! What crap!
The lagi tok kong (Hokkien term meaning “superb”) classic was this thingy called tithing. They told me that when I give 10% of my money to the Church, their God would bless me. Yo Magoo! Who is blessing who now? That sound like a con job to me man! I only know the chicken thigh in my Hainanese chicken rice!
Vomit blood you know!

 
My Christian Life
Then one Christian chow Ah Beng (meaning an uncouth or uncultured person in Hokkien) told me to read the Old Testament in the Bible. The Old “testa” what? The only one I know ends with “icles”! Only he got the balls to ask me to do a thing like this! He told me that it records the义气 of his God. I understood that to mean loyalty or faithfulness. I can relate to that. I learnt that term when I watched Hong Kong movies.  It is that special bond between blood brothers.
But I still have a problem.  The things written in the Old Testament sound absurdly alien to me, even to the point of being ludicrous! They are but stories at best.  Most of the time, I could not understand any of it for the life of me. My Beng (meaning an uncouth or uncultured person in Hokkien) Christian friend then asked me to go church to better understand the Bible. Me go church?!?  What is happening to me?!?
The Church service was hilariously funny. I never knew going to church could be so much fun.  I have imagined myself being bored to tears! The pastor was very good with jokes. Yet, those jokes helped me understand the Bible better. It became a routine for me, at least for quite a while. Then I started tithing. I have never given so much money for nothing concrete to hold in return. But my financial horizon was the same. I did not receive any phenomenal quantum increase in my finances. Then I heard a sermon telling me to tithe with a revelation. I did not have it. I stopped tithing. After a while, I realized I also did not have a revelation about going to church. I stopped attending church.
But somehow, this 义气 thingy got me to read the Bible over and over again. I bought volumes of Christian books written by many popular Christian authors and sermon DVDs of that funny pastor as well as other well known ones. I walloped them all.
Yet I could find no satisfaction. I felt very buay song (colloquial Hokkien for not happy)!
Whenever I wanted to give it all up, I would receive literature in one form or another that addressed those very sentiments for the moment. I believe the spiritual jargon is “word of knowledge”?  I am still not sure about that. But it kept me going.
I reached a point when I was reading the Bible for the sake of reading. To kill the boredom, I started writing. A Christian “big brother” warned me to be careful about not writing the wrong things. It scared the shit out of me. He was the “spiritual father” you know. Don’t play play! (Singapore colloquial for “be serious”. Often deliberately mispronounced  "don't pray-pray").
But then what are the right things? Who is the judge of what is right or wrong? Can’t I write about what I find the Bible is telling me? If you don’t like what I write, you can always disregard them!  Irritatingly perturbing!
While writing, I found it useful to do word study. So I began to study the Strong’s Concordance as well. It was a refreshing experience.  Gradually, I formed the habit of recording any thoughts of Bible scriptures that come to my mind; either in my hand-phone or on paper. Those thoughts were sporadic at first. It helped that I reduced them in writing as it served to arrest and rein in those thoughts. As time went by, those intermittent thoughts that peppered my mind seem to be converging at one point – the love of God.
In all honesty, I found that mushy thought repulsive at first. I am a full-grown man. I am tough. I am strong. I am macho. I am a pillar of strength. I have been seasoned by the weathers of life. Only gu niangs (colloquial for weaklings) need love.
Then I realised I have interpreted love as protection for the weak. I have been brought up in a culture of男人流血不流泪 ( a real man can bleed but cannot cry) ,  男儿有泪不轻弹 (a real man do not cry easily) and 头可破，血可流眼泪不能流 (head can break, blood can flow but tears cannot flow). It is the prideful and unrealistic expectations of a man to be able to stand up against anything while suppressing all the accompanying emotions. Hello! I am a man; not superman! Even superman has a nemesis – kryptonite!
But God’s love for me encompasses every fabric of my life. It includes provisions and gifts.  Well, I can live with that! Later, I succumbed to the need for protection too; His protection against the unseen enemies of sicknesses and diseases and viruses. I don’t know about you.  But I sure need to be insulated against all that!

 
God’s Love
As I began to read the Bible from that perspective, the burning question arose within me: How do I know that He loves me?
Then I read Romans 5:8 and found out that Jesus Christ is the only Beloved Son of God sent to die on the Cross to prove God’s love for me.
When I read John 3:16 again, it dawned on me that the word “loved” is in the past tense. It indicates the duration of His love for me. He loved me from before antiquity all the way through to eternity. In short, He loved me for a very long time and for much longer time to come! That represents the scope of His love.
Then I saw the depth of His love for me in those words “His only begotten Son”.  He gave up His only Son for me. Matthew 3:17 tells me that Jesus Christ is not only God’s only Son but His Beloved Son.
The word “beloved” means greatly loved. Would I ever give up what I love greatly for someone else? Hell no!
Then Philippians 2:6-8 showed me what God’s only Beloved Son has given up to die for me, “ Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God [possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God], did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, But stripped Himself [of all privileges and rightful dignity], so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave), in that He became like men and was born a human being. And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself [still further] and carried His obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross!”

Would I ever give up a life of power and luxury for a bunch of irritating arseholes? You must be kidding!
Would I be so stupid to be punished for the mistake of one who treats me like a bitter enemy? You must be out of your mind!
True love carries with it a price. A price that costs the best of what the lover has. It is pure folly to me. But this is the love of God for me.
Psalm 8:4, “What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of [earthborn] man that You care for him?”

God loved me! 
What is Sin?

As I think on the scriptures from the standpoint of God’s love for me, it occurred to me that sin is rejecting God’s love. From my word study, I found out that sin means missing the mark.  But what is the mark? The mark is God’s love for me. That thought rests quietly within me.
So what does it mean to reject His love? In page 103 of The Strong’s Concordance of Hebrew and Aramaic Dictionary, some clues are provided:
“The fruit of this tree (the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil; italics added by me), if consumed, would reveal the difference between moral evil and moral good.  This reference also suggests that, by eating this fruit, man attempted to determine for himself what good and evil are”
As I reflected on it, I find myself becoming increasingly convinced that Adam chose to decide for himself what is good and evil for himself against God’s better counsel. In effect, Adam was telling God to let him determine for himself what is right or wrong.  In essence, he was telling God to not tell him what to do! Let him be the captain of his own life!
Step back old man!
That sounds like rejecting God’s love.

 
Disobedience
As I kept on thinking about it, I read Romans 5:12 and 19 again. It struck me that sin was a result of disobedience. Before the Fall, there was no sin yet. Then what made Adam disobedient?  It cannot be sin. Sin was non-existent yet. In a flash, I saw it. Adam did not know just how much God loved him!
Like a child just brought into the world, he is more curious than conscious of the parents’ love for him. He has yet to realize that his parents know much better and far more than him.  He has yet to experience the love of his parents which is most evident when he messes up only to find them clearing up the crap after him. Thereafter, he finds himself in the loving arms of the parents kissing him and assuring him of their love for him. In the next breath, the child messes up again-BIG TIME! His parents clear his shit again. And the cycle goes on. This is how a child grows to be convinced of his parents’ love for him. I believe this is the reason God made the human race through Adam with the foreknowledge of Adam’s disobedience. The parable of the Prodigal Son serves to support this notion [Luke 15:11-32].
Adam was like an innocent and curious child deceived into believing that God kept some good things from him. I see this in Genesis 3:4-5, “But the serpent said to the woman, You shall not surely die, For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing the difference between good and evil and blessing and calamity.”

If I may paraphrase those verses, it would be something along these lines, “God is bluffing you. He does not want you to eat the fruit because there is something good for you there. He does not want you to have it. He is keeping that good thing from you.”

In other words, the crafty serpent was insinuating that God is a liar Who loves not.  But Bible says that God loves [1 John 4:8].
Hence, not knowing how much God loves me results in disobedience. And disobedience opens the door to sin.
Si Gin Na Mai Thiay Lin Bey Gong (Hokkien for dying or naught boy not listening to what the father says). Didn’t the Bible say that Adam will surely die on the day he eats from the forbidden tree?
But how do I really know that God loves me? The standard answer is to look at Jesus on the Cross.
Frankly, that tells my mind that the Cross is the proof of God’s love.  But my heart is a blank! In other words, I am not convinced leh!
What now?
Most of my Christians friends told me that they know God loves them because He has blessed them in this and that.
So when I am not blessed in this and that, does it mean God don’t love me?
Then why did the Bible say that Jesus on the Cross is the proof of God’s love for me. Why didn’t the Bible say God’s blessings are the proof?
Si buay Luan! (Hokkien for very confused). Freaken’ confusing!
Then I have this gut feel to look at the fulfillment of Bible prophesies.  
Trusting God

Therein lies the key to learning to trust God. At least my gut is telling me so. It starts with knowing and understanding the integrity of God. This is seen in the Old Testament accounts of Him doing exactly what He said He would do. If we cannot trust the integrity of God, how can we ever come to trust Him? The trust lies in His integrity.
Some of the Biblical accounts are too far back into antiquity for me to relate to. I believe God has allowed scientific discoveries to be made to confirm Biblical accounts. Not that God needs the testimony of man to confirm His integrity.  It is for my benefit that He has done so.  It is to satisfy my fallen mind and allow it to be convinced of His integrity.  This is so that I can learn to trust Him.
Of all the Bible prophesies, the one about the nation of Israel kept coming to my mind.  Israel as a nation was dispersed throughout the world for hundreds of years. It is just simply amazing that she has not become extinct. Instead, she came back as a very resilient nation with most, if not all, of her culture and customs intact.  Can anyone beat that?
God has chosen the nation of Israel to tell the world that He is real!
The fulfillment of Bible prophesies proved God’s integrity [Numbers 23:19]. It is here that I start to learn of God’s integrity or His faithfulness to His Word [Isaiah 55:11]. When I begin to see God as faithful, He says that I have seen well [Jeremiah 1:12].
When I am convinced that God is not a man that He should lie [Numbers 23:19], then I can finally be on the same page or frequency as Him.
The arrangement of the three Books of Job, Psalms and Proverbs gives me an idea of the progression in trusting God.
In the book of Job, Job was oblivious of God’s unconditional love for him. He imagined that his spiritual piety was the basis of God’s providence.
Right after the Book of Job is the Book of Psalms. It was written mainly by David, a man who sought God’s love; a man after God’s own heart [Acts 13:22]. Then the Book of Proverbs (Wisdom) followed. Wisdom is the knowledge of God’s love put into action; it is trusting in His love for me. It is being Christlike.
Jesus Christ the Man epitomized complete trust in God. Abram was a type of that epitome.  Abram trusted God to provide the sacrificial lamb even to the point of lifting the knife to slay Isaac, the son he deeply loved, when God came through. [Genesis 22:8, 12-13]. It was through such experiences of trusting God that Abraham was fully persuaded and won over by the integrity of God and His love for him [Romans 4:20-21].
So shall I progress in the journey of trusting God. I start off by being ignorant of His gracious and unconditional love. Through the fulfillment of Bible prophesies, I begin to trust in God’s integrity. This is so that I will accept His testimony of His love for me as proven by the death of His only Beloved Son on the Cross as Jesus the Man. With that, I can begin to accept His arrangements in my life trusting that He has my best interest at heart. As I allow His Sovereign and loving purpose to shine through in my life, I will begin to understand His love for me. Every time I allow that to happen, the trust in Him deepens Finally, I enter into a trusting and loving relationship with Him.

 
Christian Growth
When I learn to trust in God’s love for me, I will gradually become contended with whatever earthly lot He has given me [Philippians 4:7]. I rest in knowing that His great love for me is working all things (good and bad) together for my good [Romans 8:28]. I trust that He knows better when to give me what I need [Jeremiah 29:11].
With this contentment comes peace [1 Timothy 6:6]. Girded by full confidence in His perfect providence, I no longer need to compare with others. What I have now is God’s best for me at this particular station of the current stage of my life. There is no place for envy or jealousy.  They cause unrest, disharmony, rebellion and all sorts of evil and vile practices [James 3:16, 1 Corinthians 3:13].
I do not need to be bothered by what others are saying about me. Who shall lay a charge against me when it is God Who justifies me [Romans 8:33]?  It is before my Lord Jesus the Christ that I stand or fall.  My Lord is mighty to support me and make me stand [Romans 14:4]. Hence I do not find the need to engage in tongue lashing [James 3:6].
This is the kind of peace that Jesus has given and bequeathed to me [John 14:27].
Thank You Jesus!
 
Christian Anomalies Explained
Now that I am the beloved child of God, I can better understand the anomalies mentioned at the onset of this e-book.
The best lay man term I know of when sharing the Gospel is to tell you that a man laid down His life for you willingly. That Man was Jesus the Christ. He is the only Beloved Son of God.
Whenever I am engaged in open disputes, it is because I do not carry everything to Jesus in prayers but took things into my own hands instead.
I may not be filthy rich and yet be happy. I am contended with whatever earthly lot He has given me [Philippians 4:7]. I rest in knowing that His great love for me is working all things (good and bad) together for my good [Romans 8:28]. I trust that He knows better when to give me what I need [Jeremiah 29:11].
Whenever I trust in God’s love for me, I walk on the storms of my life.  The moment I fret over those challenges, I sink into them. Even then, my Lord is able and mighty to lift me up when I cry to Him for help [Matthew 14:29-31].  Hence, I become clumpy and look like I have been baptized in tom-yam juice whenever I take my eyes off the love of God for me.
When I appear hao lian (proud), it is only because I have yet to anchor my security in God’s love for me.
The saying of “God help those who help themselves” is not Biblical.  If you can help yourself, you won’t be asking God for help. God specializes in helping those who realize that they cannot help themselves.




If you don’t feel like tithing, don’t! Just focus on getting to know His integrity. 君无食言! A king or gentleman won’t go back on his promise. And He is the King of Kings!
Finally, I have become so accustomed to living a life without God that it will take some time for me to get used to living this new lifestyle of dependence on Him or trusting Him. Therefore, I may come across to you as one who “talk the walk” but not “walk the talk”.
It is a paradigm shift.
It is like the right-handed holding a toothbrush in the left hand to brush the teeth. I am His work-in-progress. You will get to see a perfect me when my Lord Jesus Christ returns.
I pray that I will be counted among your number.
 

Conclusion
I place my trust in a person because of his proven integrity.
I can only begin to trust God when I am convinced of His integrity.  This is seen in Him doing exactly what He said He would do. This is the fulfillment of Bible prophesies. They are not some mystical phenomenon to entertain my feeble mind. They point to God’s integrity.
The Christian faith is not a blind faith. It is based on God’s persuasion through His Word.  The basis of faith is God’s revelation of Himself. God’s Word is Himself. God is His Word. His Word is Him. His integrity is His Word.
The saying, “You have my word”, makes reference to a person’s integrity.
Therefore, God says in Jeremiah 1:12, NIV that He is watching to see that His Word is fulfilled. Again in Isaiah 55:11, God said that His Word shall not return to Him void. They both echo Numbers 23:19, that God is not a man that He should lie. All these point to His integrity.
Psalm 138:2 tells me that God magnified His Word above all His name!  This is how much God honours His Word!
In other words, God is telling me that I have His Word. He is telling me that when He says something will be done, it is done.
I cannot come to a place of trusting God because of what others are saying about Him.  I need to see for myself and be personally won over.


Jesus is asking me the same question he did Peter, “But who do you yourselves say that I am?” [Mark 8:29].
How would I answer?  I wonder.

 
Note from Author
Anyone can interpret the scriptures in favour of an adopted stand [2 Peter 3:16]. I find that the only constant in the Bible is God’s love for me.  I find the love of God is beyond any doubt the crimson thread running through the Bible from cover to cover. Therefore, I have chosen to read and interpret the Bible in the greater context of His love for me.
This is my personal conviction. This is how I enjoy my Bible.
I am the beloved child of God that Jesus the Christ has made me to be [2 Corinthians 5:21] in the process of getting to know God’s love for me.
If you have been blessed by this literature, let all the glory and praise redound to our loving Father God. If there is anything you find amiss, let God judge my heart.
If you would like to support the declaration of God’s great love, you can do so HERE.
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